Weddings are strange

[oanja]

Last Saturday we were at my cousins wedding and I was just looking through the photos and remembered that I wanted to write about this one detail here. In American movies and tv shows they always make a big deal about the engagement ring on the woman and I was wondering if they guy gets a ring then? Because don't couples exchange rings at the wedding?

But here both of the people get engagement rings and they are mostly plain ones with no diamond or anything. Then the wedding ring is only for the bride and has/can have a diamond. I wonder if that's because of something in our culture or if it has something to do with the Lutheran Church? (it also made me think about what same sex couples do? Who gets the ring when they get 'married' or if they just use the engagement rings or what?)

Oh and the priest managed to piss me off by talking about how marriage is between a man and a woman and God and Grrrrr! She kept repeating it and I think she was making some kind of a personal point with this.

After all our parliament is finally talking about gay marriage and hopefully that will be sorted by next year.

---

I'm kind of disappointed that there isn't any fic about Ed Sheeran and Rupert Grint on AO3. What's up with that?

My mom asked me if I want to go watch the new Spider Man movie with her. =D So we're going tomorrow.

Comments

[plinkin.livejournal.com]

I think that the idea of the engagement ring has gotten completely out of hand in the US. There are rules and guildlines telling you what percentage of your yearly salary(last time I checked I think it was 6-8 weeks pay that you should spend) should be spent on an engagement ring. I think that the whole thing has been engineered by the jewely/diamond industry in the US, much in the same way that the greeting card industry has turned Valentine's Day into a big commercial farce.

And no, men do not get an engagement ring in thr US. Also, couples sometimes exchange promise rings. This is another completely insane idea. They are rings to let everyone know that some time in the future you plan to get engaged. Isn't letting everyone know during the engagement enough?

The gay couples I know all just exchange bands. The bands can include embedded diamonds, but a big rock is usually for a woman's engagement ring. I'm sure that most gay/lesbian couples reject the idea of an engagement ring because it just plays into gender roles and sterotypes. Like no woman can resist a huge rock. It also would give the impression that someone in the relationship is playing the role of the woman or the man. I say everyone should just do what they want for themselves. If there are gay, lesbian or straight couples where both partners adore diamond rings, they should both get rings.

My husband and I only did plain wedding bands, one for each of us, exchanged at our civil ceremony. I don't have any need for a diamond ring and couldn't wear it at work even if I wanted to. I only wear earrings at most now that I'm not married and before it was only earrings and my plain band.

[rons-pigwidgeon.livejournal.com]

The US is the exact opposite. The ring with the diamond is the engagement ring, and only the woman gets one. Then at the wedding ceremony, both exchange plain gold wedding bands. I read an article recently that said male engagement rings are on the rise, but I don't know any man who's ever worn one.

[plinkin.livejournal.com]

In the US you can cut out all of that church/religion/homophobia when you refuse to get married in a chuch and you have a judge perform the ceremony. In Japan, I think if you go and officially register your marriage and get stamped documents, you are legally married with no kind of hooplah at all and no one the wiser unless they go snooping through public records.

[oanja.livejournal.com]

I was kind of hoping it was just one of those things that gets blown off proportion by the movies and things but I guess not. >_> It sounds pretty terrible to be honest. Like doesn't it put huge pressure on people to have a great big diamond, like are people who don't have one ashamed about it? or do they have to explain it to everyone who they meet.

lol about the promise rings. =D Here when people get engaged it's usually ages before they ever get married. Like years and years before. Long engagements are really common and for some people it's enough commitment. ^_^

I agree with everything you say here. People should get the rings they want and fuck everyone else. =D

You can get a civil ceremony here too, it's the kind gay/lesbian couples can get as well. (they basically have the same rights as hetero couples except they can't get married in a church, can't adopt [except each others kids] and can't take each others last name... I think it's all ridiculous and hopefully these last few things will be changed soon)

[oanja.livejournal.com]

Yeah I thought it was like that. I think here the ring business might have something to do with the fact that people get engaged a long time before they actually marry, so it's a visible sign of commitment for both of them.

[plinkin.livejournal.com]

It is ridiculous pressure on some people. It doesn't matter how much you make, the guideline says 6-8 weeks salary. The richer the man, the bigger the ring. In other words, if you have a huge rock on your hand, you have a rich man or at least a man how is stupid enough to borrow far beyond his means. During the recession when so many are jobless or have had hours cut, I can't imagine losing a chunk of money like that and I would say that I'm solidly middle class. I make slightly above the average for women in the US and slight below the average man in the US.

An understanding and/or smart partner would know this and tell you to think small when buying, but some men don't consult the woman and want to surprise her. I think my white gold band cost all of like 120$ and for me that was the most expensive piece of jewelry, by double, I'd ever owned. The husband's cost $200, Same ring exactly, his hands are just huge. We bought them together with cash and were done with it.

I doubt I'll ever get married again. I'm starting to believe you don't really need more than a verbal commitment to each other. If you don't trust the ones you love, you can't trust anyone.

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Meil kyl isällä ei oo ollenkaan kihlasormusta mut sillä on vihkisormus :) äitillä on molemmat. Et kai se sit vaihtelee, oon nähny joillain miehillä kakskin sormusta.

[oanja.livejournal.com]

Ehkä se on ajanki kanssa muuttunu, koska siitä on kuitenki varmaan jo aikaa kun sun isä ja äiti meni kihloihin :D Mut joo se voi varmasti vaihella eri paikoissa ja eri parien välillä