oanja: (stock cat mouse)
[personal profile] oanja
Went and saw the movie finally and man I'm glad I didn't go to the midnight screening on Wednesday. That would have been such a waste of money and sleeping time

It was utter crap.

You could totally tell it was supposed to be two movies originally. They had to add so much filler it became completely unbearable

First of all the way Smaug died? I call so much bullshit on that. Such a waste of a good dragon :( Also bows don't work like that, fire doesn't work like that, nothing works like that. And how did the townspeople know Smaug was coming?

All the attempts at humor fell super flat. Nobody in my screening laughed once...

The way they did Galadriel's magic was so weird, why did she turn into a weird bog witch or something? All green and wearing rags? There was also something fishy about how she became all weak and defenceless for a moment so the dudes could have their heroic entrance. Yuck, and also why didn't she get a sword? (still elves best, all the elf parts were my favourite)

Thranduil was super awesome again! But he had some weird moments too, like why did he exile Tauriel? And then in the end he was like 'no big deal. lets talk about your feelings' so is she allowed to go home then? And what was up with Legolas? Why was he all 'I can't go back!' he was super over dramatic in this, maybe bc he's basically a teenager or something? Also was he really in love with Tauriel, why was that hinted at so many times, when it was so unnessary?

There were a few super super shippy moments between Bilbo and Thorin, so at least that's good. (I enjoy shipping them, even though I haven't found any good fic I like for the pairing)

The battle scenes were super boring and way way too long, I started tweeting about how much I hated this movie during the fights and I've never done that before. So because I wasn't paying that much attention at that point, I have no idea how the good guys actually won...

Like Thranduil was all 'peace out. I've lost too many elves' and I think most of the dwarves were killed by that point and the men had like 100 soldiers to begin with... No idea how they won. If it wans't the freaking eagles *I facepalmed so hard when the eagles came*

That's one problem with the fight. I can imagine Jackson being all 'add more soldiers it doesn't look epic enough!' but the problem is when you make the enemy have superior forces and like huge trolls and giants and wtf were those Dune worms it then doesn't make any sense that the good guys win at the end... >_>

I also found it really stupid/cheesy that only Thorin Fili and Kili died, like what are the odds of that? Not to mention that did the four dwarves + legolas + Tauriel kill everyone from the other orc army everyone was so worried about? Like what happened there? That whole battle was so stupid I honestly stopped paying attention.

Oh and the bit where Kili dies... So much rage for the whole bit because it made Tauriel into the damsel in distress and she didn't even get to have revenge it was Legolas(?) who killed that orc in the end (I'm not sure how it went, they were on that bridge thing [that's not how buildings work] and there was a lot of fighting and stuff and things and yeah... I'm pretty sure it was Legolas, but don't take my word for it)

And the way Azog finally killed Thorin? Coming through the ice like that while Thorin was walking along... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stupid, that's not how ice works, that's not how drowning works, that's not how coming out the water works (unless there was like 2 feet of water under there)

What else should I complain about? Oh the CGI in general looked terrible, and it really did no favors for the battles which obviously were all cgi. Good crap did everything look super fake. (I saw it in 2D so maaaaaybe it would have looked better in 3D, but idk. Also did not miss 3D at all. There was this weird lighter spot in the middle of the screen all the time, that I kept noticing and I think that has to have something to do with 3D... it was very distracting)

And then at the end the remaining drarwes just move into Erebor? And nobody is affected by the gold anymore?? What happened to the arkenstone? Did the bard keep it? Won't it corrupt him too? Did Thranduil get his stupid necklace? (Like seriously they needed to explain why it was so important to him, like throw in a line how it was supposed to be a gift to his dead wife or something, anything!)

So the good bits:
-Thranduil fighting
-Thranduil in armor
-Thranduil sassing Gandalf
-Bilbo and Thorin scenes
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